I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
