It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
