Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
