D3 body, D1 cock
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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