Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
