Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
