the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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