Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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