new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's shark week go big or go home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
