You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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