Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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