I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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