It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
