No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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