Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
