having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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