I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
