it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
