Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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