well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
