She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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