dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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