Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
