Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sober January is a disaster.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
