I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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