if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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