Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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