Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
