talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
