I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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