I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Michael Bay diarrhea
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
