Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
