btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
