I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
