i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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