would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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