It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm really busy with my period
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