You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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