so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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