"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
