The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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