honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
