I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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