I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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