Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
