I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
