You just made me feel so damn special
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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