she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
