my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize