how can u be prego again
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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