I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
