How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
