I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
