Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
