Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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