Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
