god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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