i just had sex bonerless
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
