You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
