I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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