So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You dont lie about slip and slides
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
