Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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