i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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